Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My dick has a subreddit
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
