The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
