Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
