thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sober January is a disaster.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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