While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
