i just wanna soil my oats bro
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
