The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
