I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
