Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
