is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
