The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so much tequila, so little girl.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
