I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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