Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize