I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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