You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
