If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
