I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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