worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
