What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
