he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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