Pants 0. Shit 1.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
