I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
