some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
being pregnant is like rehab
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize