Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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