Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Alive.
So much puke
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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