i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
