everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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