saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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