I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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