My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
