just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
