My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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