why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
