Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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