why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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