So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
