We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
