My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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