its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
