I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
