i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
