I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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