he thought i was a dude.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize