when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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