Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
