I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
