Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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