I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
