Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
