3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
