Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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