NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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