I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize