I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
