he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
