He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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