I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
