Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
