I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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