And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
