did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize