Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
