I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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