Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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