When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
