I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
