she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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