Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
