...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
