Im at strip club and am horny
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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