I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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