Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize