also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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