How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize